


Blessed Be

by Starlight1395



Series: Light in the Dark [7]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Members, insecure Haechan, wiccan Haechan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:03:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: Haechan knew he was a little different. He found comfort in crystals and candles and herbs while others might find it in churches and prayers. He did his best for his friends, helping them whenever he could, but sometimes it wasn't enough. When nasty rumors and comments begin circulating online, Haechan doubts not only his religion, but his entire existence. In the end, he never expected so much love and support from all around him.AKA Donghyuk does a lot that reminds me of my own Wiccan upbringing an made me want to write a quick oneshot





	Blessed Be

**Author's Note:**

> I know his real name is Donghyuk, but after asking a few people the slight majority said to go with Haechan to keep confusion to a minimum - mostly for new fans who are still learning. I also know that he's officially Christian but again, I had inspiration and went with it.

Haechan felt the tension leave his body as he closed the circle. He smiled and opened his eyes, looking fondly at the small candles around him. He was glad his members were mostly understanding, if not a little confused and put off by everything.

He made sure to thank the elements before blowing out the candles and standing. His back cracked as he stretched, and he couldn’t hold back a slight groan.

“Are you done already?” Ten asked, poking his head into the bedroom. Out of the members, Ten was one of the few that didn’t only accept Haechan and his religion, but was eager to learn more when the other boy was willing to teach.

“Yeah, it felt right.” Haechan began gathering up the candles, careful not to spill the cooling wax onto his hand or the carpet. He had already been scolded once by Mark for making a mess on the rug.

“The others are out right now,” Ten said, helping Haechan by carefully gathering the bowl of water and soil. Haechan juggled the bowl that had the incense and the small wind chime he used for circle along with the five candles. “If you want, we can watch a movie.”

“I want to watch Hocus Pocus.” Haechan said warmly as he tucked his items away.

“Really? Isn’t that like… a bad representation of you?” the older boy sounded hesitant, but Haechan just laughed.

“Nah, they’re playing on stereotypes,” he smiled and shook his head. “It’s not offensive if there’s no truth behind it. Besides, it’s a classic.”

“Halloween isn’t even for another few months. Why do you want to watch that movie all of a sudden?”

“I dunno,” Haechan shrugged. “Guess I just have good taste in films.”

“Come on kid, let’s go before the others get back and try to complain we aren’t watching what they want to.” Ten chuckled and left the room, Haechan trailing close behind.

“I’ll set up the movie if you get the snacks.” Haechan offered, knowing the dancer would rather get the food than wrestle with the wires needed to attach Haechan’s laptop to the television in the living room.

* * *

“Hyung… they’re back again.” Jisung whimpered into the dark room. Haechan cracked open a tired eye and squinted against the bright light flooding from the doorway. He was glad Jeno was a deep sleeper - though, they all learned to sleep through most things after a few months of dorming with so many people.

“It’s okay, I’ll get rid of them.” Haechan smiled and slid out of bed, grabbing a half burnt smudge stick and his lighter.

The maknae was known for having nightmares. At the beginning, Haechan wasn’t sure how to help his friend. He hadn’t been as open with his beliefs at the start. It was only when Jisung saw him smudging his own room when they moved dorms that he asked the elder what he was doing. When Haechan explained, Jisung begged the other boy to do the same for his room, in hopes it would chase the nightmares away.

It worked, for a time. Every few months, Jisung comes back to Haechan after a particularly bad nightmare and asks his hyung to chase away the bad energy again.  
Chenle was already away and waiting for the two of them, his hair sticking up in every direction and pillow lines embedded into his cheek.

“Sorry for waking you up.” Jisung looked away, eyes glassy.

“It’s alright,” Chenle mumbled, his own eyes slipping shut. He fought to keep them open as Haechan lit the smudge stick and blew it out, letting the sweet smelling smoke fill the room. “I knew it had been a while since the last time. I turned off the smoke alarm when you went to get Haechan hyung and opened the window for you.”

“Thanks Chenle-ya,” Haechan grinned as he started moving around the room, trying to make sure the smoke touched as much as possible. He glanced over at the two from the corner of his eye. Jisung was sitting next to Chenle, the smaller of the two resting his head on the other’s shoulder. Jisung was watching Haechan move, while Chenle was slipping back to sleep. Haechan tried to hurry, putting out the sage bundle before it got low enough to hurt his fingers and took a deep breath.

Smudging always made him feel safe, and it filled him with something like pride to be able to make his friends feel safe as well.

“There you go Jisung-ah,” He sat down next to the maknae and pulled him into a side hug. “Your nightmares should be long gone now, but when they come back you know where to find me okay? Don’t try to tough it out like before. There’s nothing weak about having nightmares.”

“I know hyung,” Jisung returned the hug, looking a thousand times more comfortable. “Thanks for doing this again.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he ruffled the younger boy’s hair, causing it to stick up even more. He turned to Chenle and did the same, getting an annoyed whine from the second youngest. “Same goes for you. If you ever need anything, hyung is here for you.”

“I know Haechan hyung,” Chenle yawned wide and smacked his lips. “Thanks for helping Jisung hyung. He doesn’t like to admit it, but these nightmares really mess with him.”

“Hey!” Jisung looked betrayed, but Haechan just smiled again.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed for,” He said warmly. “We all have hopes and fears and dreams. Would you be upset at a river for flowing? Of course not, so you shouldn’t be upset with yourself.”

“Why are you so good at advice?”

“Because I know what you need to hear,” Haechan’s smile dropped for a moment before he brought it back. “Just trust hyung, you hear me? I’ll never let you down.”

“Thank you hyung,” Jisung yawned. “Good night.”

“Night Jisung-ah, Chenle-ya. Find me if you ever need me.” He pressed a light kiss to each of their foreheads before turning off the light and closing the door behind him. He tiptoed back to his room and silently slipped back into his bed. He was just about to close his eyes when he heard a voice.

“Jisung-ah’s nightmares are back?” Jeno asked sleepily from his own bed.

“Yeah, but he’s okay now.” Haechan replied quietly.

“You’re good with them,” Jeno commented. “None of us knew how to help him with his nightmares when he started having them. It was really scary, being so helpless when someone you care about is suffering. It’s really like a blessing that you could help him like that.”

“Well, I’d do anything for my friends.” Haechan said with a soft smile.

“I wasn’t sure how I felt about the whole… witch thing at first,” Jeno sounded sad, and it made Haechan’s chest hurt. “It was new and kinda scary, but I can see how much it helps you and Jisung and the others, so I guess it isn’t that scary. It’s pretty cool actually, and you always smell like herbs which is cool seeing how everyone else smells like sweat and cheap soap most of the time.”

“That’s because I actually understand basic hygiene.” Haechan chuckled, and soon Jeno’s joined his.

“That’s true,” the other boy laughed. “Yukei-hyung still uses that three in one shampoo stuff… Everyone knows that doesn’t work.”

“Gross.” Haechan wrinkled his nose playfully, causing another wave of laughter.

“Also…” Jeno hesitated a moment before continuing. “No matter what anyone says, we think you look good with your makeup and jewelry. Don’t listen to anyone who says you shouldn’t wear it. I think it suits you well.”

“Thank you… It sucks that people want to hate me for trying to look the way I want but that’s what I get for being an idol I guess. There’s no possible way for everyone to be happy.”

“Just… just keep being you. Don’t change for anyone.”

“Good night Jeno-ya.”

“Night Haechan-ah.”

* * *

  
Haechan watched Mark rush to the bathroom. He knew what was going on with his hyung - it was the same thing that happened any time one of the subunits had a comeback. He grimaced as the sound of retching floated from the bathroom and the poured a glass of water for Mark, for when he came stumbling back.

Any time there was a comeback, Mark would work himself sick. There hadn’t been a single comeback that Haechan could remember that Mark hadn’t lost at least fifteen pounds. He knew the older boy wasn’t doing it on purpose, but between overworking himself and the stress, he just couldn’t seem to keep food down.

“Ah, thank you Haechan-ah.” Mark looked pale when he took the glass from the other boy.

“You should rest hyung.” Haechan prompted, knowing he was going to be shot down.

“I can’t rest yet,” Mark said, predictable as always. “I need to give this comeback my all. I’ll rest after, okay?”

“You’ve already lost too much weight and the promotions haven’t even started yet.” Haechan frowned, his brows meeting.

“You worry too much,” Mark smiled, but Haechan could see the tiredness behind his eyes. “Thanks again for the water… I have to get back to work now. Make sure the others eat okay? You Dreamies need to make sure you grow up big and strong.”

“You’re only a year older than me.” Haechan pouted, causing Mark to smile a little wider.

“Ya, let me fuss over you,” He scolded lightly, ruffling Haechan’s hair. “I’ll see you around.”

“Bye hyung…” Haechan said sadly as he watched Mark rush out the door once again. He suddenly had an idea.

Haechan rushed to his room and pulled out a box from under his bed. He carefully opened it and removed the bandana he used to keep the contents of the box from being damaged when he jostled it.

His crystal collection was something special to him. He hand picked each piece of the collection for their meanings, and like to use certain stones in his circle rituals when it felt right. He picked up the polished piece of tiger’s eye and felt energy thrum through his fingers. That was one of his favorite stones - the meaning of personal strength and growth always gave him courage when things got tough. He put that one back and reached for another. He pulled out the first one that touched his hand.

The small piece of agate was beautiful, the stripes of the stone made up of varying hues of purple and polished smooth. He had picked this one when he visited America for the first time. It represented strength and courage, but it wasn’t quite what he was looking for. He smile as he felt warmth flood his body. He placed that one back as well before spotting the perfect stone.

It was about as long as his pinky finger, the red and oranges making it look like it was on fire and the markings making it almost look like scales.

“Fire agate,” he said to himself with a smile. “Courage and protection.”

The stone seemed to hum in his hand, and he knew it was the right choice. He carefully replaced the bandana and put the box back under his bed before pulling out the closest notebook and writing a short note. He didn’t sign it, but he knew Mark would know who it was from. He snuck over to Mark’s dorm and placed the stone and note on his pillow.

Mark returned to his dorm sometime between three and four in the morning - he was too tired to know for sure. All he wanted to do was collapse on his bed and sleep until the comeback was over, but he knew he had to be up in three hours to start practicing all over again.

Just as he was about to throw himself onto his pillow, something caught his attention. With lethargic fingers, he opened the note and barely caught the small stone that came tumbling out. He blinked at the note before being able to read what it said.

_“Mark hyung, I know how stressed you get around comebacks. This is my piece of fire agate. It represents courage and protection, and I think you need this more than anyone right now. Anytime you feel run down or hopeless, hold this and think of good things. It’s helped me in the past, and I hope it can offer some support to you now.”_

There was no signature, but Mark knew anyway. He made a mental note to treat Haechan to lunch sometime before the comeback. He held the stone close to his chest and smile. He wasn’t sure if it was all in his mind, but he could have sworn he felt a little safer.

Mark fell asleep with the stone in his hands, his chest filled with a new fire.

* * *

  
_“Does he know what his necklace means?”_

_“Probably not. A lot of idols wear random jewelry.”_

_“I don’t wanna support a devil worshipper…”_

_“Someone should tell him before rumors get started.”_

Haechan looked at the comments on his latest instagram post with a sinking stomach. Normally, when he posted something, he tucked his pentacle into his shirt so it wasn’t visible, but this time he was jumped by Taeyong and Doyoung who wanted to take pictures with him. He hadn’t even realised it was out until he saw his name mentioned in a comment.

His heart instantly sunk when he saw what his fans were saying. Some were supportive - saying how they liked the design of his pentacle and talking about their own - but most were either confused or angry.

He couldn’t help but physically flinch a little each time he saw someone call him a devil worshiper. He had kept it hidden for most of his school career. He had only found the religion when he was fifteen, but since then he had been fairly reserved about it. He was caught drawing simple pentacles on his notebooks and he was instantly ridiculed. He tried to explain the difference between a pentacle and a pentagram, but no one wanted to listen. They called him all sorts of horrid names that only teenagers could.

Haechan shut down after that. He never wore his pentacle, not even in his own home. He hadn’t told his parents, who were Christians, about any of it. He felt like an outsider whenever his family would go to church, but he didn’t know why.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Taeyong rushed over and took the phone from Haechan’s hands. The unofficial leader cupped Haechan’s cheek and used his thumb to wipe away the tears that the younger boy didn’t even realize were there.

“It’s nothing.” he sniffled and tried to pull away, but Taeyong wouldn’t let him.

“It’s obviously not nothing if you’re crying,” He said, sitting down next to the younger boy, gently pushing Haechan’s head onto his smaller shoulder. “What happened?”

“Just stupid comments online,” He said bitterly, not trying to pull away anymore. “I was dumb enough to read them and I let them get to me… It’s really no big deal.”

“What comments?” Taeyong asked softly. Haechan nodded to the phone still in the older boy’s hand. Taeyong looked at the screen and Haechan saw his eyes widen.

“It’s fine hyung,” he tried again. “I… I’m used to comments like that by now. I guess I’m just tired. Normally they don’t bother me as much.”

“You shouldn’t have to be used to comments like this,” Taeyong sounded close to tears. “You’re an amazing person Haechan-ah, and I think your religion is beautiful. Anyone who thinks you’re going to hell for it, or thinks you’re a bad person because of it obviously doesn’t understand what it’s about. In this day and age, if a person is going to be so close minded and hateful, they aren’t worthy of your attention.”

“I don’t get it hyung,” Haechan felt more tears run down his cheek. “Why is everyone so eager to hate me? I’m not hurting anyone… I just want to help people but they think I’m some kind of evil asshole who’s going to curse them or something! I’m not… I’m not evil… I swear I’m not evil…”

“I know you aren’t,” Taeyong held is friend closer, his heart shattering as Haechan repeated himself over and over. The younger boy was one of the kindest people Taeyong knew, and it killed him that such a thoughtful, genuinely kind boy was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t evil. “You aren’t evil Donghyuk-ah. Please believe me.”

“I’m not a bad person…” he sniffled, trying to hold back a fresh wave of tears. “I-I don’t want to be a bad person.”

“You couldn’t be a bad person even if you tried,” Taeyong tried to reason with him. “It’s not your fault there are people out there blind enough to think you’re anything but a loving person.”

“I don’t want to go to hell…” Haechan broke, burying his face in the older boy’s shoulder and sobbing. Taeyong could feel his shirt being soaked, and in that moment he never felt more helpless. He let Haechan cry, rubbing his back and whispering gentle reminders of how wonderful he is into his ear.

“Oh love…” Taeyong murmured sadly when he realized Haechan had cried himself to sleep in his arms. He wiped the younger boy’s cheeks as he wondered how he would get him into bed. Taeyong wasn’t weak, but Haechan was the same height and weight as him, which would make it tricky to carry him. Just then, Johnny walked by. The taller boy almost didn’t see them - it wasn’t until Taeyong coughed lightly that he saw them.

“Is he alright?” Johnny asked, crouching next to the two.

“He’ll be okay soon,” Taeyong said quietly, not wanting to take the younger boy. “Though I’m worried he’s going to close up again…”

“He looks like crap,” Johnny brushed Haechan’s bangs out of his face, the hairs sticking to his cheeks from the drying tears. “He can sleep in my bed for now. His dorm is too far to carry him right now.”

Johnny carefully loaded the younger boy onto his back and walked towards his room, where he could place him on the bed and let him rest properly. Taeyong followed behind, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and watching Haechan as if he was going to disappear into thin air.

“Poor kid.” Johnny whispered to Taeyong once they turned off the light and closed the door as quietly as they could.

“I’ve never seen him like that before…” Taeyong’s chest hurt thinking back to how Haechan sobbed into his shoulder. “I thought he was going to make himself sick with his hard he was crying…”

“He doesn’t cry that easily. What happened?”

“People were leaving comments on that last post we made, calling him a devil worshiper and saying he was going to hell… I don’t understand how such a sweet boy could get such awful things said about him.” Taeyong grimaced and shook his head.

“That’s bullshit,” Johnny all but growled. “He’s the last person to go to hell.”

“Exactly…” the elder sighed and ran a had through his hair in frustration. “We just have to make sure he knows how much we love him, okay? We can’t let him feel like this again… It would probably break him…”

“I’ll think of something, don’t worry.” Johnny grinned and Taeyong felt the weight on his chest lighten a little. Although he wasn’t technically their leader, he still felt as though he needed to stay strong and solve everyone’s problems. Seeing Johnny willing to help Haechan made him remember how loving his members are, and how lucky he was to have them.

“We should get some rest too,” he said finally. “We have to perfect this choreography as much as possible before this trip to LA.”

“Ah, don’t remind me,” Johnny groaned. “I barely sleep as it is… though it’ll be nice to go back to America. Maybe one of these times we can stop by and see my family.”

“Maybe one day.” Taeyong agreed before going to his own room, a plan already formulating in his mind,

* * *

  
“Wow!” LA was even brighter than he remembered it. Haechan was happy he had Ten and Johnny help him with his english before coming - everything was more exciting when he could understand what was being said.

“Hey, I want to check out this shop,” Johnny said, already seeming more at ease in his home country. “You can go ahead if you want.”

“We’ll meet at the big clock at noon okay?” Taeyong called over to the other group, consisting of Haechan, Jisung, Chenle, Mark and Sicheng. Taeyong’s group had him, Johnny, Ten, Jungwoo and Lucas. The others had split off as soon as the managers said they had the morning to explore the city.

“Don’t spend all your money at once again!” Sicheng snickered.

“No promises.” Johnny and Taeyong exchanged a look before they went off to whatever shop they were looking for.

“Come on, I want ice cream,” Chenle said suddenly, taking Haechan’s hand and tugging him down the crowded sidewalk. “It’s so hot out I think I’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die.” Mark laughed, slinging his arm around the younger boy.

“Ah! Hyung get off!” Chenle struggled to throw off Mark’s arm, causing another wave of laughter from their group.

Haechan laughed along, his hand subconsciously reaching up to play with his pentacle. It wasn’t until his fingers hit skin that he remembered he had left his necklace in his luggage. Part of him wanted to leave it in Korea, where he couldn’t look at it anymore, but another part of him relied on it for a sense of comfort. Since the incident with instagram, the boy hadn’t been wearing it as much.

He let his hand fall to his side, his chest feeling oddly hollow. He followed the others to the ice cream shop numbly, barely tasting the chilly treat.

“Come on, there’s a fountain!” Jisung’s excited voice broke through his thoughts as the youngest tugged him through the crowd. The ice cream was already affecting the youngest, the two jumping from foot to foot.

The fountain was impressive. Three tiers tall, each tier with its own statues and stories to tell. The lowermost tier caught Haechan’s first. He took in the story told by the statues and carvings, and felt oddly connected to the stone woman staring back at him. He took a step forward and felt his toe connect with the concrete of the fountain base, but he didn’t feel any pain. He stared into the almost warm looking eyes of the woman and realized he was smiling up at her.

People talked about signs from God, telling them to hold on or have hope. Haechan had never really thought of that as real before - to him, it sounded too much like coincidence and wishful thinking. It wasn’t until he was looking up the likeness of the Goddess, a warmth setting in his chest telling him he was going to be okay, that he believed in signs of hope.

“Haechan-ah, are you okay?” Sicheng’s voice broke him from his staring contest, but his smile didn’t drop.

“Yeah, I think I’m going to be okay,” Haechan laughed lightly, letting his head tilt to the side. He felt so light and safe. “Yeah…”

“Hey guys! We got finished early.” Ten called over to them from across the fountain.

“Fancy meeting you here.” Sicheng joked, wiggling his eyebrows at his friends.

“We were on our way to the clock when we spotted you from across the fountain.” Taeyong said brightly. He was carrying three bags, two larger and one smaller.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Haechan asked just as brightly.

“Actually, we did.” Johnny answered.

“Come here, I found something for Haechan-ah that I want him to have now,” Taeyong pulled Haechan over to the edge of the fountain and had the boy sit. “So, we’ve been doing some research and we think we found something that might cheer you up.”

“We’ve been worried about you,” Johnny chimed in as he sat on the other side of Haechan. “After the other night… you’ve seemed off.”

“Thanks mom and dad.” Haechan said playfully, giggling when Taeyong bumped his shoulder.

“Anyway, we did some research and read that you can’t buy yourself a deck of tarot cards - it has to be a gift… so we picked out a deck for you.” Taeyong handed the younger boy the smaller of the three bags.

Haechan felt frozen. He never thought that his friends would go through the trouble of looking this sort of thing up, let alone going out of their way to buy them for him. He carefully pulled the box from the bag and instantly felt his chest lighten.

The box looked like that for playing cards, if not slightly larger. On the cover showed the image of a regal looking woman with a staff, riding on the back of a large jaguar. He gently slid the cards from the box and looked through them. Each one had a colorful illustration of someone with a cat of some sort. Even the cards without a person had a feline somewhere in the picture.

“There’s more,” Taeyong said, nodding to the bag. Haechan put the cards back, making sure not to bend any of the corners. In the bottom of the bag was a small book with the same picture on the front. “That tells you the meanings of all the cards, and the formations to do the readings. The woman in the store was really nice. She told us all about the cards and how they work.”

“Thank you.” Haechan softly placed the cards and the book back into the bag before tackling Taeyong, almost throwing them both back into the fountain.

“Hey! I helped pick it out too!” Johnny grinned as Haechan threw himself into his arms as well.

“No more tears,” Taeyong said softly as he wiped Haechan’s cheeks clean. “We just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Haechan grinned through his tears. “This… I don’t think you know how much this means to me... “

“We just wanted you to feel special.” Johnny said, his arm still around Haechan’s waist.

“What did they get you hyung?” Jisung came over, curious and excited. Haechan pulled the cards back out from the bag and explained what they were. Jisung was intrigued to say the least. “Can you give me a reading?” He asked instantly, almost bouncing.

“When we get back to the hotel.” Haechan promised.

“Ah hyung is so cool!” Jisung’s eyes seemed to sparkle, and Haechan felt better than ever.

* * *

  
“They want SM to remove me from the band…” Haechan said weakly.

He wasn’t shy about his gifts from Taeyong and Johnny. He was excited to try them, and gave readings to anyone who asked. It tired him out, but it also thrilled him to be able to share something that others couldn't. When it got out, there was a lot of speculation on what it all meant - some going as far as to call for his removal. They said Haechan was a bad influence on the other members, and that he was going to corrupt his friends - especially the younger ones. He had already seen a handful of comments about how those people were leaving NCT as a whole because they couldn’t support Haechan and his heathanous religion.

“We won’t let that happen.” Doyoung said instantly. Although he wasn’t part of the Dreamies, Doyoung did everything he could to raise the younger members. Fans often called him the mother of the Dreamies, and Doyoung never fought that title.

Seeing Haechan - whose stage name literally means ‘Full Sun’ - so monotone and empty scared Doyoung. He quickly sent Taeyong a text, telling him to hurry to the Dreamies dorm but not explaining anything else.

“Hey, look at me,” Doyoung tried to get the younger boy’s attention, but it was useless. Haechan was staring at his shaking hands, tears streaming silently down his face.

“Listen. We’re not going to let anything happen to you. You’re part of our family, and we’re going to protect you no matter what, you hear me?”

“What’s going on?” Taeyong burst into the dorm, face flushed and panting.

“Look.” Doyoung didn’t have it in his to explain. He just handed the older boy the phone and watched as Taeyong’s face paled, then burned crimson with anger.

“How dare they…” he growled, looking ready to kill someone. “How dare they say that? I’m going to talk to management myself. This will not stand. No one will say these things about one of my members.”

“Don’t bother…” Haechan said, his voice sounding dead. “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to bed.” And with that, he stood and left the room, leaving Taeyong and Doyoung behind with their jaws on the ground.

“This is ridiculous.” Doyoung ground out, clenching his fists angrily.

“We’ll fix this, don’t worry.” Tayong said firmly. He wasn’t about to let one of his members be treated like that.

* * *

  
“What’s going on?” Haechan asked dully. It had been almost a week since they found out people were calling for his removal, and the normally sunny boy hadn’t looked up from the ground once. Even those who didn’t know what was happening noticed the change in the boy, and were worried sick.

“We’re having a special fan meet today,” Taeyong chirped, trying to keep the mood light. “It’s just a small one, but it’s special.”

“I don’t think I should go,” Haechan pulled away from the older boy. “I don’t want to cause anymore problems.”

“Sorry, but you don’t really have a choice.”

“Yeah, we’re not supposed to say this, but this is a fan meet for you,” Mark chimed in. “We’re just going for support.”

“Can… can we do that?” Haechan stuttered a little. He had never hear of one the members having a solo fan meet - not even Taeyong or Mark or Ten, three of the most popular members.

“Well, it was basically demanded,” Johnny chuckled. “These fans are very adamant about making this happen.”

“When does it start?” Haechan felt light headed. He had no idea what sparked this, and was almost afraid to see what it was all about. Why would they give him a special event? Was this their goodbye before kicking him out?

“In two-ish hours. Fans are already lining up.”

“Oh god…” He breathed, feeling like he was genuinely going to pass out.

“Don’t worry so much,” Mark said, pulling the younger boy into an awkwardly positioned side hug. “It’ll be okay.”

“Mark Lee? Initiating a hug? Scandalous.” Renjun commented from the side and managed to jump away just before Mark’s hand connected with the back of his head.

Haechan laughed before being ushered to get ready by one of the nicer managers.

Before he knew it, he was sitting at a table in an almost packed auditorium. He could see the other members moving around behind the stage and realized how nervous he was. He reached up to fiddle with his pentacle before realizing - again - he wasn’t wearing it. His anxiety spiked ten fold before he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Looking for this?” Taeyong placed his missing necklace on the table with a small smile.

“How did you-?” Haechan all but lunged forward to take the necklace and tried to clip it around his neck - unfortunately his fingers were shaking too badly to be able to use the latch properly. Taeyong’s steady fingers took over and easily clipped the necklace into place. Haechan instantly felt safer with the small piece of silver where it belonged.

“I had a feeling you would want it for this.” The elder smiled at Haechan’s confused expression.

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see.” He smiled again before waving to the fans and going offstage.

The fan meet seemed to go by in a blur. Haechan only had a vague recollection of it, bits and pieces coming back as he sat down in the van to take them back to the dorms. He remembered receiving present after present, most being crystals or dried herbs. The one moment that stood out to him the most was when the first young lady was about to leave and she took his hands. Her fingers were shaking but her smile was almost blinding.

“Blessed be.” She said warmly before she was replaced by the next fan. It was then that Haechan realized what this was. Looking down the line, he saw dozens of pentacles around the necks of the fans. He saw moons and stars and things that most people would call ‘witchy’, but above all he saw how the people in line were talking to each other - exchanging numbers and truly talking to one another.

His heart felt so full it was going to burst. These were people just like him. People who had found comfort in something a little unusual and different. People who probably faced the same discrimination and hatred that he had. He felt close to every single person in that room in that moment.

“How did it go?” Jisung asked as he made it back to the dorm.

“It was… amazing.” His face hurt from smiling so much.

“All your gifts are in the living room,” Renjun chirped. “You sure got a lot of stuff. Some of the stones are really pretty.”

“I’m really thankful to everyone who came,” Haechan said quietly, the exhaustion finally hitting him hard. “I never thought…”

“Hey, you should go to bed,” Mark said, gently pushing Haechan towards his room. “We can go through your stuff tomorrow and sort through it, okay?”

“Thanks hyung,” He said sleepily before collapsing into bed, a wide grin on his face.

* * *

  
“You look cute.” Jaemin grinned at Haechan. They were preparing for a concert - the first one since Haechan’s solo fanmeet. It had been almost two months since, and he was nervous to be in the public eye again.

“Thanks… I feel really handsome.” he smiled brightly and took one last look in the mirror. He was wearing tightly fitted jeans, a black shirt and an embroidered jacket over top. Halfway through the concert he knew he was going to change into a tshirt, but at that moment he felt fancy. He paired the outfit with his favorite eyeliner - the kind with glitter in it - and a pair of boots with small heels. He felt taller and more confident than ever.

“Let’s go everyone! This is going to be a great concert!” Jisung cheered, bouncing from foot to foot as he waited for his mic to be threaded through his shirt.

“Yeah,” Haechan felt his heart soar. “Let’s go!”

**Author's Note:**

> Most of this was based off my own experiences, if not exaggerated the slightest bit. Its pretty scarring to be called evil and told you're going to hell at age ten, but hey I think it made me a stronger person.  
> I'm not nearly as sensitive to everything like my mom is, but I can still feel a little of what Haechan does in this. it miggt sound weird, but you can actual feel the energy of certain things if you're intune enough with it.  
> If anyone has any questions, feel free to leave a comment or Dm me on twitter @25boyfriends. I love talking to people about this, and it's really nice knowing there are people who are interested in learning!
> 
> another side note, the tarot deck I described is actually the one my mom has! You can google "Cat people tarot deck" if you want to see the art I was talking about. My own deck is dragon themed, but I didn't feel that fit?


End file.
